Thursday, February 10, 2011
It is hard to believe that I haven't created anything art worthy since 2006 (the above image) and have since then devolved into making sigs or logos for my gaming clan. Not that there isn't anything wrong with that and in fact I do enjoy it but nothing like creating something from nothing. The other problem is that my current computer has an issue with Photoshop or maybe Photoshop has an issue with my computer but I can't run the program for more than 2 minutes without it crashing due to a display driver issue. I have since put on a new os and updated the driver countless times but it still gives me the same error. Never in my time of owning computers have I had this issue and it became very irritating to say the least to have it now. The computer became a haven for gaming or surfing the net but is in need of heavy upgrading to continue down the gaming portion of my life. It just doesn't cut it anymore and it pisses me off since I paid a heavy price for it is as well.
Anyways off topic there back on track. I was just looking at the above image today and was thinking how I missed those days of my art life and what could have been if I had tried harder or gotten a break. I digress if something had happened back then would I have the life I have now? Be where I am now? Maybe things would be better or even worse....hmmm weird thinking I know but I do miss making "real" art for myself. If i can EVER get the $$ and get out of debt and be able to buy a new computer then maybe I could get back to it. I found myself more centered and calm when I made art. An outlet berift of conflict I guess and a way to express feelings in my own way.
This leads to another of my old passions now gone...not really "old" as really it has only been 6 months since but nonetheless in the same boat of passion. I did, up til 6 months ago, collect comic books and quite heavily I might add. I got a lot of enjoyment out of it and looked forward to each Wednesday as that was comic book day. I loved the feeling and smell of new comics and reading each story and combing the art (as a child I wanted to be a comic book artist - thanks University for belittling that dream!) and would spend hours reading them. Something happened though that i didn't expect - I lost my passion for them about a year ago but being such a hardened routine for 23 years I found myself unable to quit. Well life has a way of presenting solutions and well life got in the way and money was tight and I found myself thinking I should just give it up to help my family stay on even keel here. So I did just that - I walked in to my comic book store (yes it was mine - I went there for so long I just assumed they were there for me lol) on the accustomed wednesday bought my comics and then said - "I quit" and got quite the lashing from the Clerk! I explained myself and after a long discussion we parted ways feeling fine with my decision. I walked away cold turkey and haven't folded since. It was quite possibly the hardest thing I have done in my life since it was practically my life.
Now the question is what the hell do I do with all these comics? I find myself not being able to answer that question and have given myself 1 year to grieve over the decision. I really hope I can get back at least what I put into the collection (and yes collection is a term I would use for that many comics!). I had always thought I would grow old and sell it off in some grand auction naming it the Lindsey Collection. Time will tell....
Passions...hard to lose and easy to forget...